Photo Courtesy of "What the Bleep"

Down the Rabbit Hole

Have you ever felt that you have started a journey which seems to get stranger as you go along?

I have, on and off through the years, been "into" spiritual development, new age stuff, and finally when it got too strange, gave it up and tried for a relationship. Stubborn me, I couldn't recognize that even as strange things were happening - I was happy. I thought I could cut it as a traditional homemaker, etc. That's what us females do, don't we?

Every now and then when I heard certain types of music like the lyrical lilting sad Irish songs or a deep cello in a Chinese movie, like "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon", I would be moved to tears way out of portion to what was happpening at the time. I grew very curious as to the cause or causes of this heart rending sadness or perhaps a longing. I wrote this around November, 2004:

My mind feels like it wants to spin off reeling into space.

I feel turbulence in my soul, a turbulence I have not felt in a long time.

My souls longs to sing symmetrically in prayers and poems of inner space and endless times.

I keep trying to follow other people's directions to happiness, wealth, abundance, peace, bliss.....I read the books that speak to me or seem to appear out of nowhere. I just read, "The Power of Now" by Eckhardt Tolle. I found this book at a local library, in a spot where I have looked before and suddenly I saw it and started reading it. I didn't have my library card with me at the time, so I had it reserved until I could get it. And this book answered many of my questions. I don't mean to complain or anything but it helped me get to where I am now ..... half out of my cocoon and half in -- a terrifically uncomfartable place.

Night Horse

Whose hooves do you hear crashing on the North Wind?
The clouds froth and billow at your passing.
People toss and turn at your wondrous flight,
And lay sleeping still.
I feel the night wind against my face
And know you are here.
Your wild neighing echoes in my ear
As you come from the heavens,
Landing by my side sweating sea foam and glinty silver.
Untouched by reality, all Darkness and Light,
You heave with motion.
The breath of life you give to the Earth,
And she receives it lovingly,
Giving you, your grounding and your lightning.
All at once there is a flash and you are away. Proud head lifted into the clouds,
Mane and tail brilliant in the full moonlight. I cry, “Wait!” and you turn to look at me.
Dark ebony eyes pierce my very center, And very briefly, oh so briefly
You touch your nose to mine
And you are gone.

Copyright 1988 Ellen Wakamatsu Photo Courtesy of Pegasus.com