Photo Courtesy of "What the Bleep"

Down the Rabbit Hole

Have you ever felt that you have started a journey which seems to get stranger as you go along?

I have, on and off through the years, been "into" spiritual development, new age stuff, and finally when it got too strange, gave it up and tried for a relationship. Stubborn me, I couldn't recognize that even as strange things were happening - I was happy. I thought I could cut it as a traditional homemaker, etc. That's what us females do, don't we?

Every now and then when I heard certain types of music like the lyrical lilting sad Irish songs or a deep cello in a Chinese movie, like "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon", I would be moved to tears way out of portion to what was happpening at the time. I grew very curious as to the cause or causes of this heart rending sadness or perhaps a longing. I wrote this around November, 2004:

My mind feels like it wants to spin off reeling into space.

I feel turbulence in my soul, a turbulence I have not felt in a long time.

My souls longs to sing symmetrically in prayers and poems of inner space and endless times.

I keep trying to follow other people's directions to happiness, wealth, abundance, peace, bliss.....I read the books that speak to me or seem to appear out of nowhere. I just read, "The Power of Now" by Eckhardt Tolle. I found this book at a local library, in a spot where I have looked before and suddenly I saw it and started reading it. I didn't have my library card with me at the time, so I had it reserved until I could get it. And this book answered many of my questions. I don't mean to complain or anything but it helped me get to where I am now ..... half out of my cocoon and half in -- a terrifically uncomfartable place.